Thursday, March 21, 2013

The One Where I Rant @39 Weeks

So I'm at 39 weeks and 3 days!

39 weeks!


We are over the moon anxious and excited to meet this little dude and are waiting as patiently as possible for his arrival.

Which is kind of difficult.

I was kinda hoping that yesterday, the first day of Spring, would be his birthday.  However I did have my weekly appointment and I was at a 3+, at least 75% effaced (I forgot to ask for the updated number), and his head is at a -2 station!  So, things are definitely moving along!  I'm hoping this is a good sign that I won't go (at least too far) past the due date.

I was so confident that I wouldn't even get to my due date for a while...and as the days pass, I'm just praying I don't go a full week over and have to be induced!  I know there are worse things, but there's something about inducing that I find very scary.  I hadn't ever thought about it that much until now, and I don't want it!  Obviously I don't really get a say in when he shows up so if I have to, then I have to.

On to what I really wanted to get off my chest.

As I've talked with people at church, and with family members over these last months, and random people who feel like sharing their 2 cents I've been overwhelmingly disappointed in people's attitudes regarding pregnancy, birth, and parenting.  In fact, both Remy and I have.  And I have a lot of thoughts about it.  So I apologize if this is all over the place.

First off, here are some things I know and/or believe to be true about pregnancy, children, and parenting.

-I know our lives will be different when he gets here.
-I know we'll be tired.
-I know parenting will be hard at times.
-I believe it's worth it, otherwise why would people keep having kids?
-I believe both nature and nurture play a role in who children become.
-I know we won't be perfect parents and that we will make mistakes.
-I know that while all kids go through similar "stages" of growing up (saying NO, throwing tantrums, waking up in the night), every kid is different.  You cannot assume they are all the same.
-I know my child will not be perfect and that I can't control everything he says and does, but I can do my best to teach him good qualities I hope he will develop.
And the biggest one:
-I know that I don't fully understand HOW things will change, HOW tired we might be, and HOW hard things can get, etc. until this little baby shows up and we experience it first hand.

With that said, here are some things I know that you DON'T know about my child/experience, but you claim to:
-You don't know that my experience is going to be the same as yours.
-You don't know the personality of my child -and neither do I, so quit assuming you do.
-You don't know that my kid will be crazy and wild ALL THE TIME just because yours is/was or you think that's how every kid HAS to be.
-You don't know how easy or hard my pregnancy has been, so please leave your bad attitude to yourself.
-You don't know my past experience with kids.  Not claiming to be an expert, but you don't know me.
-You don't know how easy/hard it was for us to have this baby, so maybe there's a reason I'm keeping a positive attitude.
And again:
-You don't know my child yet, no one does.  So please stop imposing all your assumptions on him.  Let's just all wait and see what we get when he actually gets here.

Now I get drama can be fun.  I do.  I get that it's fun to talk about how horrible things can get.  And how hard they are.  And how fun it is to "know" something that someone else doesn't.

Get it.

It's like the theory that if you have a good experience somewhere, you tell one or two people.  If you have a BAD experience somewhere, you tell 10 or more people.

Got it.

But folks, do you not remember when you were having your first baby?  Were you not excited?  I'm not denying it won't be hard.  And I'm not denying the fact that I don't understand what that even really means until I experience it myself.  But holy hell folks, do none of you like being a parent?  Was none of your experience caring for your infant even remotely fun or fulfilling or brought you any sort of joy?  Or do you just find it entertaining to just be that negative? The day Remy expressed how frustrated he was about the negativity (before I had even said anything), I was glad to know it wasn't just my hormones who had their feelings hurt.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm pretty sure none of these people hate being parents and probably do love their kids more than anything. But why the focus on everything that is bad? 

I figured most people would say things like "it is the hardest/most exhausting/scariest thing I've ever done, was so worth it/it's the best thing that's ever happened/I love it/it's so fulfilling/I've never been happier..."pick one. 

But no. 

I sat at one of my baby showers literally stunned at the attitude of everyone there.  -Especially considering WHO was there.  I went home and cried actually.  Maybe I'm just 100% clueless, but I'm pretty confident it's not THAT horrible ALL the time. 

Two of my biggest issues are:

One: if you have an experience that I could learn something from, please share -in a constructive way.  I still may not agree, or I may not even find myself in that situation at all, but you can give me all your "advice" and relay it in a way that acknowledges that every situation is different and what worked for you may not work for me.  -Rather than assuming your experience is the only one I should expect for myself.

Two: our child is our child and was meant for us.  You don't know his personality and you don't know our parenting philosophies and techniques.  And heck, we don't really either for that matter until we get a chance to try it out.   So please don't tell me that he's going to be some wild, crazy person because we were both (relatively) easy as a kids so that means I have to have a lunatic kid.  Or because other kids' personalities "belong" or "should have been given" to someone else in your family because they somehow "deserve" a certain type of kid.  I'm sorry that due to your complete lack of self awareness your kid is behaving in a way you don't want them to and you don't see the connection.

Yikes.  That's pretty much it.  I could go on, but I'll leave it here.  Maybe it's my personality, or maybe I'm being overly sensitive, or maybe once I'm a member of this "mom club" I'll get it.  But I hope that I won't feel like these people.  That I'll be a part of the apparent minority that loves being a parent.